Narcissus Repents (Epiphany #2: Falling in love for the ‘wrong’ reasons)

We’re born with an odd proportion sense of idealism. Odd because there’s no idealism.

No, we’re born naked. And that’s about it.

For some reason though, we get hit on the head several times during our growth, and we discover that we’re cursed beings – bound more to a reality that ought to be than any other reality.

I’m assuming it’s universally agreed that falling in love with someone for their physical beauty is a bad idea because our bodily beauty is ephemeral; in passing.

It’s considered shallow and superficial, and the idea of it makes people uncomfortable. But see, then falling in love with someone for any tangible reason would be a bad idea.

Let me first clarify. I’m not sure what is meant by the phrase ‘falling in love’, but I just mean the sort of thing that makes us feel like letting the other person be a witness to our lives.

Tangible reasons include falling in love with someone because of how compassionate they are, how truthful, how giving, how understanding. How different.

Who are we, anyway?

I’m changing all the time. I don’t just mean small, physical changes. I mean massive, unrecognisable changes.

Falling in love with someone for the person they are, or the person you think they are at that point, seems to be just as shallow and pretentious as society claims that falling in love with someone for how attractive they are to you is. Does it really matter why you fell in love with someone more than that you love them?

Below is a poem written by Aurobindo that continues to intrigue me.


Immortal Love

If I had wooed thee for thy colour rare,

Cherished the rose in thee

Or wealth of Nature’s brilliants in thy hair,

O woman fair,

My love might cease to be.


Or, had I sought thee for thy virtuous youth

And tender yearning speech,

Thy swift compassion and deliberate truth,

O heart of ruth,

Time might pursue, might reach.


But I have loved thee for thyself indeed

And with myself have snared;

Immortal to immortal I made speed.

Change I exceed

And am for Time prepared.

–          Sri Aurobindo

Cartoon Courtesy:



  1. Nandini

    I really loved this one. You articulate thoughts beautifully.

  2. Exactly. I’ve never understood the notion of falling in love myself. For me its been loving a person for what they are at a given point of time.
    Now, if they happen to change over years, which not only is possible but also practical coz, people change, you see, I should see if I still love that person at that given point in time. … Loving a person is not a destination, its a journey. Get my point?
    In my opinion, couples either drift apart or fall out of love… this applies to even long term relationships.

    And yes, beautiful post. I think I’ve written a post about loving someone deeply blah blah blah quite a while ago… let me fish it out for you to read.

  3. Scarlett O'Hara

    No no… What I meant was, people dont hate their partners, they just fall out of love or drift apart.
    There are a few lucky ones who will continue to be in love with the person they married. But the line they say about marriage is true – For a happy marriage, you need to fall in love with the same person every day… (or something like this… ) 🙂

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